I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
