Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
