Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
