I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
