Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Well I just put wine in my tea
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
