Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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