And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize