He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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