she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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