No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
