Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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