You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
