She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
