your thong is hanging out like whoa
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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