grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize