:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
