.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
this just has baby written all over it
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
