Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
