Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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