I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I love having hate sex.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
