Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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