Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
