Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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