I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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