I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
