listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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