She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
