If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
