Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
