so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
