So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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