There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
