And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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