She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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