Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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