Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
