guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
