today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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