I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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