Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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