barbara walters just said penis...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
