Please, let me fuck your mom
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
