I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Quick, to the slutcave!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
