happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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