On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
