Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize