this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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