I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
