Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I intend to get homeless drunk
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
