It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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