everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
worst night to have a conscience
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
