hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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