My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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