Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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