he told me I talked like a deaf person
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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