I faked an abortion last night.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
