Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
