I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
