you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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