Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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