so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
