Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She said her name was "party"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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