Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Randomize
