I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
There r osticjed everywhere
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
